I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
no, he came in my armpit
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
