I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
