U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
