I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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