if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
