I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
