oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
