Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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