Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
