So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
