You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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