You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
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