So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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