I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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