My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
