note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
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Do I have a choice?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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