he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Randomize
