Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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