Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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