we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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