Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
