he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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