You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
