she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
