got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
there is puke in my bra ... again
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