Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
