Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize