Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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