ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
