I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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