You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
