I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
