Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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