i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
