i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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