How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
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