Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
