yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
