my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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