I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
