Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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