I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
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