I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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