i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
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Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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