Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
