He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
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I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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