My balls are so social today.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
