i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
