They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
