Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
