So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
