i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
