HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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