I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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