is wine microwaveable?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
