honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
