I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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