Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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