4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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