It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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