You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
