When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
