There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
