you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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