Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
