hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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