were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
