Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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