Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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