My hand turned me down
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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